Confessions......

strange

Sun, 12 Oct 2008 17:14:20 GMT

its been almost a year since i wrote something but yet it fells less then that,

lets see what has been going on,

moved out of the parents house, got my own two bedroom home, i work full time, had my heart broke again and yeah thats about it hahhaha

oh been goin out alot more dancing and stuff. started to model again and cut my hair SHORT

Rest in Peace

Sun, 14 Oct 2007 09:42:53 GMT

The man i fell inlove with died friday night. he was everytthing. my protector. my heart. my soul he was the kindest. sweetest. man. he was truely the only one i could fully trust my with all my soul, the man who incourage me to do things i would not even dare to do. the man who told me to open my heart and love again. Died. I love you Micheal.

he was cleanin his gutters out of his house thrusday morning and fell off the roof. i talked to him that night and morning after he got home from the hospital and he was okay, from what he told me, but he talk to his friend to take him to the hospital friday night and he pass away with interal bleeding in his brain.

I love you Micheal. You are forever and EVER in my heart. and my soul.

blah

Thu, 11 Oct 2007 02:36:31 GMT

Well lets see,

im getting sick again, its startin to suck to always be sick, the bloodly noses, the cant stand, the coughting, I feel helpless but whatever.

I am still single, i guess its for the better. I do have someone im interested in but at lastwhy does he have to live so far from me. His smile, his laugh his touch is EVERYTHING i ever wanted. but when you live in worlds apart it sucks,

well work is goin okay i guess. i have been doing so much of it I have not had time to really do anything else, no goin out. no drinking no friends oh well. This friday we are goin out to the country club here to do some dancin I guess that will be fun,

well thats enough for right now i cant really think,

A new beginning

Thu, 03 May 2007 23:48:33 GMT

This is the Start of a new Time for me.

I have not written in here for a long time. but its Time for me to start to write agian. To be hoenst, it feels awesome. But then again I have grown up alot since i have last written. I have gotten older. as well as learn some life lessons.

I started to work as a Deli worker back in july, when i was layed off at my other job. i didnt have a choice to be honest, it was that or loose my car. then back in november of 2006 I injuried my shoulder pretty bad and have been on L and I since then.

They finally got it to where i can move it but if i lift more then 10 pounds i feel as if im goin to throw out my arm.

also i was dating a few people, the last one was different then any other guy i have dated. He was a musician, cute, hot, older. but had a problem. when he would drink he would get pissed. Not like it.

I also dated a navy man. lets just say this, he was not a good choice. i can put him in the list of dating DONTS. LOL cronic drinker, mentally abuser and put a woman down. also he would wanna "fuck" you right after he was totally plastard. Not a good idea.

Then there was "jesse". he was the clingy guy. I dont know how to say it but he was different. he was nice and everything but the man would not leave me be, texting, emailing, calling. I cant deal with it, after a week of it, i had to stop it. I was one day short of saying the " I Love You" to me, Scarry.

well thats all for now. i think its time to write more here.

broken

Mon, 03 Oct 2005 02:44:01 GMT

I remember seeing your face,
you bring a smile to dear
i love the smiles of our past
but then the crying that we shaired
you took my only one away
and that for which i hate you

my daughter is in constent pain
because you dont understand her
my heart is breaking
not knowing why
my heart is forever broken
my love is tore away from you, cant you go away for ever?

please leave my heart
and my life
dont ever come back again
my heart is open
crying for you
but then you dont understand it either

Barrer

Thu, 15 Sep 2005 01:08:50 GMT

So I let my barrer down for a guy, i was goin to cook him dinner, Limon butter Salmon, with Angel Hair pasta, With a Cream sause, and a nice home made pastry on the side, he called and stated he could not make it, becuase the meeting he had at work two of his friends got laided off and he didnt feel like comming over and metting people, and he DIDNT care how felt about it that he would do it another day, i dont cry but this time i did, i dont know what to do, maybe my life is not inteated for a relationship.

Stop Fighting FOr the Love of it all

Mon, 29 Aug 2005 22:37:30 GMT

as reading the forums i find it rather sad that people cant get along, all they want to do is fight, im tired of it. i think its time for them to give it up and just let it all drop,

who is with me??

Thoughts about nothing......

Thu, 25 Aug 2005 01:32:49 GMT

I just feel like talking. Relationships......they're always so great in the beggining. Everytime you enter into a new one it's like THIS is GOING TO BE the ONE. Then, a few months later, you start seeing all the bullshit that you never expected to come along. Jealousy, that's a major deal breaker right there. If there's one thing in the world that kills a relationship quicker than you can blink, it's jealousy. Most times it's over the most retarded shit too. Little comments here and there, thinking you're not getting enough attention, dumb shit. Shit that in the end only does ONE thing......leaves you broken hearted. People, seriously....if you're in a relationship and all you can dwell on is who's talking to your partner, what they're doing, where they're going, you are setting yourself up to be alone. Just be happy you have the mother fucker NOW, and stop picking apart every single little detail and trying to make something out of nothing, or else you WON'T have them for very long. I guarentee it.

People need to sit back and be happy with the way things are going. Stop making problems that don't exsist up in your head. You're killing the one thing you claim to want so much. If you truly wanted to be with that person, you'd BE WITH THEM, and you'd knock off all the bullshit. Things will happen whether you want them to or not, you can't waste you're time worrying about events that haven't even taken place yet. Ladies, if you nag you're man about cheating enough, eventually, he's actually GOING TO GO OUT AND DO IT...he might as well, he gets yelled at for it anyway. Men, if you constantly fight with your woman over other guys looking at her, who she talks to, where she was, all that horseshit, you might as well fix her up on a date yourself, because EVERY other guy is going to look much more attractive to her now compared to your nagging ass.

And that's the point in this. Stop wasting life on "what if". If you can't trust the person you're with, you shouldn't be with them. Relationships are based on trust and loyalty. If that's questioned....it's over. Plain and simple.

Anyway....I'm done. Blah.

just a ramble

Wed, 17 Aug 2005 19:29:29 GMT

Well, I have been told not to talk more then 3 hours a day, do you know how hard that is for me??? I cant stand not talking. but it gets me out of alot of work.

so i went out last night, it was intersting, We went and played pool. Lets just say, i suck at that game, and if you want to win at something that is one thing you will so win if you bet me/

Well anyways, last week i went to seattle for a few days to relax, i cant believe its almost my last day at work. its kind of scarry if you think about it, no more phone calls, no more time fireing anyone. its going to be strange, but i do need the break,

So i found my green stone necklace. i love this necklace. it is a green stone i found in the river, i ploshised it and cleaned it up, put it in a necklace. i was like 7 when i found it.

well this weekend i am goin to seattle to see my grandparents. i cant wait, I dont get to see my cuzs thats fine with me those pot smoking, mother fucking people.

anyways, my brother is turning 21, so any suggestions on what to get a 21 year old redneck hick?? he hates country music, and his dream is to buy a double wide tralior, and put it in 50 acres of land.

anyways, thats enough for me today, later all

Listen

Wed, 03 Aug 2005 08:28:59 GMT

To whom it May Consern,

I am just a young girl trying to find my place. DO you think that i really have the time for your games? your lies? your hurtfullness? Do you really think i can deal with all the pain you have caused me in the past but yet still let you come back into my life and for what? nothing? to make my life turn back upside down agian.

You hurt me once. and just left me crying in the mud that one night. in my white dress, reaching out to you but you turned your back on me.

why. do you think im not worth it anymore? or is my emotions something you like to play with. you know i love you. I love you too much i think. but is it really worth it?

the cast if off now but will that be the only thing that broke this time? next time what will it be? my face? my lip. foot? maybe more.

cant you see im trying to be happy without you. but you keep comeing back. telling me sweet nothings and stirring my world upside down yet again.

Why?

out of spite? out of love?? i really want to know.

i guess you have your reasons and so do i.

i try to be happy but i cant be.

there is nothing for me to be happy with. its all empty, my life is. nothing to look forword too. nothing for my life to be charished. I should just take it and jump, or drive off something. No one really cares. you didnt. he didnt. no one did or does. I would just be one less person in the world that no one cares about..

a pitless world no one cares about,

gone in the world, left behind,